well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
