pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
