Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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