tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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