what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
