Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
