its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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