she looked like the bat from fern gully.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize