mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
