Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
