The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
