It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
