omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
