Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up under a house in Key West
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
