She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
