I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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