If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
