I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
