Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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