So drunk its hurt
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
