ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
