We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
