guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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