And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize