don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
