Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize