Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
