she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
