Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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