Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
