ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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