3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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