If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize