On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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