nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
