i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
