I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
