oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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