she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
