I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
