Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
