Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
