Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
