It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
