our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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