thus making me awesome and them whores
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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