how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
