My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
