and you said cock pushups were impossible
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
