i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
