we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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