it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
