Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
