he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
