And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
