Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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