I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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