Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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