so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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