In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
