Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
