She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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