i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
