i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM VODKA MAN
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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