i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
