The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
