i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
