I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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