Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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