my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
how does that bad decision feel?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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