Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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