Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
