Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
