And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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